Shall I Jump?
by dull.moonlight
Summary: Sirius has a lot of pressure in his fifth year. This short story shows how far he's willing to go to get rid of it all. (A One Chapter Story)


**Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. The only thing that belongs to me is the story line. Another thing, I think I might include this in a fan fiction that I am currently writing, depending on what I think. That FF will be posted on also. So, now that everything is cleared up, here it is...**

Shall I Jump?

Quidditch was Sirius's favorite sport for a few reasons. First, and most importantly, it was the only game known to the wizarding folk that wasn't endangering them from dying - unless you fell, or a Bludger hit you upside the head. For another reason, it was extremely fun and exciting. Lastly, it was played at a great hight. Sirius Black was now standing on one of the towers - one sporting red and gold - that was used to seat thoughs who wanted a better, higher look and was looking down at the Pitch. It's green was lit up by the moonlight, giving it an almost blue tinge. A soft, warm breeze of the spring blew Sirius raven black hair away from his olive skinned face. His cloak was rustling slightly. Sirius's deep, ocean blue eyes were fixed on the ground. He closed them and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. _Shall I jump?_ he asked himself silently.

Sirius opened his eyes and looked up, bending his knees. He stood up straight as his pupils dilated in the light of the almost-full moon. He blinked and looked at his feet. The moon. It had reminded him of Remus Lupin. Remus was a good, loyal friend. Very sensitive and smart, he was liked immensely throughout the school and was one of the nicest people you would ever find. Sure he was a werewolf, but that didn't matter. Sirius gave a hint of a smile. He hadn't smiled - or come close to one - in weeks. His life was a living hell in all possible ways, why shouldn't he jump? But why should he put his friend through pain just to satisfy himself? That would sound like the 'Slytherin thing to do' and Sirius was completely against the idea of being anything like a Slytherin. But those thoughts were pushed out of his mind as he thought of his family. Sirius was in his fifth year of Hogwarts. Fifteen and his parents _still_ tortured him, hoping he would change his mind. Didn't they see that Sirius's mind was set? He bent his knees again, looking forward as to not see the moon.

Once again Sirius stood up straight. His eyes had caught sight of the tall, ringed hoops. The moonlight made their golden color radiate a few inches out. Sirius's thoughts had now drifted off to James Potter. James was his best friend. James was a great Quidditch Player. He was supposedly the, 'best Seeker Hogwarts has seen for five hundred years!' Sirius agreed with that completely. James and Sirius had many conversations over the years of knowing each other, but one in particular stood out. They had been about eight and at The Leaky Cauldron, eating some ice cream. James's parents were staying at the Leaky Cauldron for reasons Sirius had forgotten, and Sirius's parents had just checked in because they were going to be meeting various characters in Knockturn Alley every day of the week they had stayed there. James and Sirius had met ages before that and they were already best friends. James and Sirius had agreed in that conversation that they would grow old and die together, always being friends. Now Sirius was remembering his words, "James Potter, if I ever die, I want to die with you." Sirius's eyes were filling with tears. He blinked them back and took a deep breath. He didn't want to break this statement now, James would never forgive him for it, and Sirius didn't want to go through death knowing the grief in James's heart. But on the other hand, he had no idea what death was like and he may not have any feelings. Besides, it would get rid of all the shame that was brought upon him by his family. He bent his knees once more.

Now, trying to forget all of his friends, he closed his eyes, but opened them again, almost immediately. He was now staring at the distant mountains. He cursed as he thought of Peter Pettegrew and stood up straight again. Sure Peter was a tag along, but that didn't change the fact that he was Sirius's friend. These mountains reminded him of something Peter had said when he thought no one was listening. He had been alone in the Boys' Dorm and Sirius had gone up the stairs to get something from his trunk. He had heard Peter talking to himself and had eavesdropped. Peter had been talking about himself. "I always make a git out of myself around other people, and I can never concentrate when someone's around so I don't perform properly. And just because I can't play Quidditch, or that I'm not very funny unless I'm around James, Sirius, or Remus doesn't mean I'm just a worthless little worm. No, I'm very funny when I'm not stuttering. But, I have to be shy, of course. That's okay. I'll show the world some day. Some day I'll go out to those mountains and survive their rocky peaks. I'll show everyone, learn more, travel..." Sirius had cut in at that moment, but was certain that if given the chance, Peter would have gone on and on. Now, looking at the same mountains Peter vowed to climb he started to think of it. Poor Peter. He was just an overweighed kid that was picked on by people younger than he, and strived on his friends. Peter was not a people person, and needed every friend he could get. Including Sirius. But he had James and Remus, right? Sirius didn't make much of a difference in Peter's life. Besides, he was putting his friends in danger, why should he put them in danger when he could fix that by just ending it all. But Sirius was now glued to the tower, looking down. The thoughts that had clouded his mind before came back and he kept asking himself, over and over: _Shall I jump?_


End file.
